Being whole life* victim and survivor of an NPD parent

Trauma is constituted of repetitive shit. A “simple” rape at 20 years old is actually nothing compared to a traumatic experience that has been lasting for more than 20 years, including the pre born shit.
Having been the victim of an NPD parent, in my case a fucking father, is killing ‘softly’ the soul of ANY human being.
But what’s occupying me at the moment is the: why do symptoms can reverse and come back?
I had a great time living, probably the first of my life (considering I’m 48 yo) during february and march 2022. Then I had  serious illness (flu or 22’s name covida) and after that symptoms of what I call nolife or brain normal functions interruption.
As of today, I’m back to life and fighting instead of struggling. That means anything “normal” is “normal”, sometimes even a pleasure (always consider that in symptomatic periods anything “normal” is just a pain emerging from a nowhere memories).
So it’s like all psychoanalysts call the “too much” or “too few” mirror of what’s happened in education during childhood.
There is NO balance. I’m ok with with the mirrored too much, as it kind of compensate the nightmare I’m living in since even before being born.
The history of a NPD of course goes back to even before œdipian state, they have NO œdipian period. That is not safe at all, it’s insane.
As to counter effect this, those people, unconsciously, put on a life strategy and begin to look for victims.
As to my insane father, that was probably my mother at first, but I soon, being born became the one preferred victim.

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